Michelle Lessing — Four Beautiful Girls

Birthing in South Africa and New Zealand

I have been asked to talk about the birth stories of my four beautiful girls: The first birth I had in 2008, the last birth I had in 2017. I want to talk about the choices I had during the births, the lack of choices I had, and where I was or was not involved in the decision making. 

We moved from South Africa to New Zealand in 2014, and we have two South African babies and two New Zealand babies. Each one of them has a different story. I feel so lucky to have come to New Zealand to experience the amazing difference in the midwifery care that we get here compared to South Africa. Before I talk about my Kiwi experiences, though, I want to tell you about my time in South Africa so you can really understand how awesome it is here.

I'll start with Ena. She was born in  South Africa in March 2008. I went into labour by myself, had typical cramps, and went to the hospital.

 I wasn't prepared for birth. I didn't have birthing classes, just books and magazines. I did ask for an epidural but it didn’t really work. 

When the doctor arrived he broke my waters, and before I knew it, I was fully dilated. The doctor said it was pushing time but Ena went into distress because she wasn’t quite in the right position. The doctor decided it was going to be an emergency caesarean. Nobody ever spoke to me or asked me. My husband and I were totally blindsided by all of this. The doctors and nurses made all the decisions.

When she was born, the nurses showed Ena to me and said, "Yes, baby!", then whipped her away and my husband and I were just sitting there.  They said to my husband, "You can come with her if you want?" He said, "Hell yeah!," and he got up and left. It wasn't until an hour and a half later that I saw my husband and Ena again. She had been bathed, given Vitamin K, and had a heel prick. They handed her to me, saying "Here is your baby!" At the time, I thought this was all normal.

In 2011, during my second pregnancy in South Africa, doctors informed me that "Once a Ceasar, always a Ceasar!". The doctor booked an elective c-section for me at 38 weeks. So that is what happened: We went in and she was born that morning. The hospital staff whisked her away and when next I saw her she was bathed and all the checks were done…. In the previous hospital they kept the babies in the nursery at night whereas with this hospital I could have my baby with me. It was lovely to have her in my bed  to  snuggle and bond for the first two or three days.

Despite this, the experience felt way worse . It literally felt to me like going to McDonalds to get my baby: “drive-in and drive-out - Good bye! Have a nice life!”

In 2015, we had baby number three here in New Zealand. It was such a different experience compared to our previous ones in South Africa. We were able to choose the midwife we wanted and she was amazing. When she asked if we wanted a vaginal birth, we were hesitant and explained that it wasn't an option where we were from. But she reassured us that we had a choice here in New Zealand and that we should consider all risks  and benefits before making a decision. We left the decision until 20 weeks  and then me and my husband felt we were not comfortable with a natural birth and we elected for a caesarean. Caesareans here happen at 39 weeks which is amazing - another week for your baby to be in the womb!

For our planned caesarean at Base Hospital we were able to make choices and decisions at every stage: from choosing the midwife  right through to taking baby home. Our midwife said, ”What do you want? Let's make this an awesome experience!” We opted to have skin-to-skin on me in the theatre.  Hubby got to cut the cord. They never took her away from us:  she just  went from my chest to his while they stitched me up. Then she came back to me for her birth crawl (where she independently made her way up my chest and latched on) while I was still in recovery. I think she stayed with me, on my chest  for two and a half hours without bathing or dressing - we just chilled and she was just there.  It was so amazing! I was sore and I couldn't get up but I had lots of time to spend with my baby. Such a different experience with lovely memories.

Then we had baby surprise number 4 who was born in 2017. So funny because the day I found out I was pregnant I said to myself, ”I am not having another caesarean!”.

In New Zealand, it is generally not recommended to have a vaginal birth after having three caesarean sections . However, I wanted to try for a vaginal birth, and my midwife supported me in that decision. It was a challenge to find an obstetrician who would also support me, but eventually, I found a doctor who agreed to let me try for a vaginal birth. We talked a lot about risks and monitoring and factors to avoid and eventually came up with a plan that we were all happy with. One of the factors was that induction was not an option and I needed to go into labour naturally  before 40 weeks as this was more gentle on my uterus. There were a few concerns about how much amniotic fluid I was carrying but as I had had a lot of fluid with all my pregnancies this was thought to be normal for me.

My midwife suggested I should do everything possible to bring on labour naturally. I tried everything: pineapple, curry, sex, acupressure, acupuncture with Nicola Douglass, homoeopathy (I bought four packs), ate dates from 36 weeks, went for massive long walks, did a lot of dancing, hopping on the ball, and stair climbing.

Then one morning, I had my first cramps, and I was ecstatic. I said, "Tonight we are having a baby!" and we went for a walk. I was in active labour, and I had to walk and stop to get through contractions. I told the kids that the baby would be born tomorrow and warned my mother that the baby was close. However, the next morning, there was still no baby.

In the afternoon of the next day, I shouted out to my husband that I was in the shower and couldn't get out. The contractions were too close together, so he rang the midwife and told her to meet us at the hospital to check that the baby was still okay. By this time, I had been in labour for over 24 hours. Walking down that hallway to labour ward feels like forever if you are having contractions!. A midwife met us and said, "Let's see what's going on? Oh! You are in labour and six centimetres dilated."  She reassured us that we were doing okay. I got into the pool which felt amazing.  After there was a little blood, I got out and tried a different position in the labour room. I ended up sitting at nine centimetres for a very long time. We decided to rupture the membranes because the fluid was at the top, and the baby had nowhere to move. Hardly any fluid came out, but the baby came down, and I pushed for 15 minutes. Baby came out, and then all the water arrived, literally litres and litres of water saturating hubby's shoes, the midwives' shoes, the nurses' shoes, and washing up the walls. There was so much amniotic fluid!

Then we spent a lot of time cuddling. I was exhausted afterwards, and it was only until the next day that I realised how blessed we were. It was amazing to experience so much trust with the midwife and the medical team.  (According to my husband though, caesareans are so much easier!)